Saturday, February 04, 2012

So You Think You Want to be a Chicago Cop?

Chicago, IL—One of my young blog visitors asked me for advice on how to get his dream job as a Chicago cop. This was what I wrote back…

Dear Mike,

Let me say first and foremost I’ve had an exciting life as a cop and private investigator. Now that I said that I must say if I was you, I’d spend a few more years in school and become an RN, a lawyer, or anything at all but a cop. At one time it was a decent job. Now you’re in a goldfish bowl and everyone wants you, on their cell phone cameras as they agitate you into something regrettable.

In Chicago the politicians are racist, rotten and for the most part totally hate cops. If being a cop was what it should be or used to be I’d say go for it. Now you’d just be in for heartbreak, frustration and self-loathing for taking that job.

Promotions used to be based somewhat on skills and ability. Now they are based solely on one’s ability to perform fellatio or bribe ward bosses.

Rather than having a mission to serve and protect the politicians want you to be their bag men extorting money from underemployed citizens in the name of traffic safety. The politicians then use the funds as personal ATMs.

Everyone either hates cops or wants to kill them except other cops. Most attractive women will ignore you unless they are whack jobs that want domination or abuse. Cops usually have horrible multiple marriages.

If you want excitement be an emergency room RN or better yet a physician. Women chase doctors down the street with mattresses. Criminal law can be exciting. TV news was once a good job but that’s all changed now.

Please don’t waste your time trying out for a job you will quickly learn to hate. Do something where you will win respect and admiration instead of hate.

I hope I have helped you change directions.




Det. Shaved Longcock said...

Have to agree with Paul. If this was 1980 again, I would say go for it... Not now.

Good luck with whatever you decide.


Anonymous said...

As much as I hate to agree with you Paul, I do. I came on the job in 191. Back then it was a great job. People respected you, you were able to do Police work and you had a decent chance at getting promoted. Now? It's a completely different job. MOST of the bosses above the rank of Sgt. are clueless. They are nothing more than ticket punchers. They have no idea how to prevent/solve crime because they were never the Police. Yet, they make policy and tell you how to do your job. The current Command Staff is comprised of some of the most politically heavy yet incompetent people one could ever meet. G/NATO will hopefully expose them for what they are. Because the Command Staff was never the Police and do not know what to do, they will have your friend doing stupid,meaningless stuff lkike DOC missions, seatbelt missions, TRP missions, burglary/robbery missions. The list of these bullshit missions is endless. And the thing is, no one is really doing them but the Command Staff actually think we are, that's how dumb they are.
I could talk for hours about this. But I won't. I will say however that you should tell your friend that if he really wants to be the Police to start looking at Federal law enforcement. Not the FBI but perhaps the US Marshals, the DEA, the USSS, Border Patrol although I hear that they will throw you under a bus in a heartbeat. I do not consider any of them to really be the Police but the US Marshals and the DEA are probably the best and closest hing to a big city police department than any of the rest.
Local law enforcement is a deadend job. If you enjoy a job where hard work and great crimefighting skills are unimportant, were the politicians are using them for almost everything, were the City looks at you as a revenue agent and not a police officer then go for it.

Oh, outdoor rollcalls. Bet they didn't do that back in the day did they Paul. Now they do them all the time. I was made to do one at a politicians office because she was running for re-election.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

If the 50 alderpersons (should be 25) protected the protectors of life,buildings,law,etc.(Police,Fire,EMS) as they protect their own jobs,there would be no problem!If you call a scumbag out,they will laugh in your face,because they know your talking about them!Their arrogance of their political power prevents them from insult.Amoral people who are only interested in their personal agendas don't understand the immorality of what their doing.That's why they are scumbags!These creatures only care about solidifying their power base.We lost 200,000 residents in the last 10 years,and we still have 50 alderpersons!Who are they representing?In reality,311 has already replaced them,at least for the services that the un- connected citizens need!

Anonymous said...

Paul makes some very good points to which I'd like to add some of my own

Mike, If you are a sincere young guy who wants to make a difference, you need start by just looking at the CPD officers you see in the street. Forget how many are badly out of shape, most of them look like they've been wearing the same uniform for five days without a break. Look at the dirty beater cars they drive round in. It all adds up to a bunch of people that for whatever reason have got no pride in themselves or the organization they work for.

Then look at how the entry standards have been lowered over the years. We've had two cops arrested for sexual misdemeanors that but for the uniform look exactly like Chicago gang members. There was a case of a huge overweight cop caught in video whaling on a diminutive female bartender. A former chief of detectives ran a burglary ring. Another chief tortured suspects and is in prison for lying about it. More recently there was a crew of detective robbing drug dealers (just like 'The Shield'). A cop is in prison for beating a prisoner with a sap, who was handcuffed in a wheelchair at the time. A connected person kills a civilian with one punch in a fight and the case just goes away.

There are certain things regular guys just do not do. Beating somebody who is handcuffed is one, and hitting a woman, is another. We just do not do those things, regardless of provocation. Yet read the Chicago police blogs and you'll see how behavior like that is excused every single day. And those are just the cases we actually hear about. Given how the Chicago media is run out of city hall, how much more goes on that is under the radar?

Paul's right. If you join the CPD you can become somebody's political bag man and end up with some nice city pensions. But don't do it if you want to do good police work.

Anonymous said...

A lot of what you say is true. It's true that police see a lot of bad. No one calls the police when their life is going right.

But don't let the negatives destroy you. While most of the people you deal with are shit heads, there are decent people out there that do appreciate you.

So being the urban police can still be a positive thing. Being one in Chicago may not be a good move. All cities have corruption and politics. It is different, not necessarily better.

Think you would like Salt Lake City? Or Utah, for that matter. Are you Mormon? No? Well, if you think Chicago is cliquey, clouty and who-you-know, you ain't seen nothing 'til you've seen SLC.

All these clout examples happen in every other city in the country...make that the world. It is not a Chicago problem, it is a human nature problem.

A steady paycheck and a pension. All that you have to do is 1: Live in the city. 2: Not commit a felony. 3: Don't piss hot. 4: Answer the radio with a minimum level of service.

Don't think that incompetent administration with bloat is unique to the CPD. Looked at the White House lately? Or DOJ?

Anonymous said...

Mike,dont do it,get a real job.